How Our Children Teach Us to Self Regulate.

Recognize and Mirror.

Sunday was game day—our son’s first ever. I was excited but a little flustered, rushing around to pack up snacks, water, chairs, and sunscreen. My energy was anxious and scattered, though I was only aware of feeling “busy” and pressed for time.

Then, about ten minutes before we needed to leave, my son came up to me, looking worried. “Mom, I’m scared,” he said. I asked if he was feeling nervous, but he didn’t quite understand—he’s only five, after all. He explained that he was scared about playing two games, that it sounded hard, and that the other boys would be chasing him. It was such a sweet, innocent attempt to put his new feelings into words. Then he did something unexpected: he leaned forward, wrapped his arms around my legs, closed his eyes, and took some big, grounding breaths.

His calm stopped me in my tracks, making me aware of my own hurried energy. I realized he was picking up on the vibe I was putting out. Here was my son, down-regulating, grounding, connecting to himself—and what was I doing? Running around like a chicken with its head cut off.

So I knelt down and held him for a little longer than usual, finding a moment to center myself, too. I can’t help but wonder: how might his morning have felt if I’d moved a little slower, taken a little more time to talk about what he loves about soccer rather than the excitement of the tournament? Nerves and emotions are part of life, and I want him to feel them all—while I do my best to be grounded and aware of the energy I’m bringing into his world.